Five years ago, my wedding almost got cancelled. My then fiancé hadn’t fulfilled all the traditional requirements before the date the white wedding arrived. Well, that’s a more polished way of saying it. What happened is, he didn’t pay my dowry.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>
His family had to come in and plead with mine. They promised the dowry would be paid within a stipulated time after the wedding. This was what convinced my family to finally allow the marriage to happen.
It’s been five years now but he still hasn’t paid the dowry. I suppose I should have known that if he didn’t pay it at that time, he wouldn’t pay it later. To this day my family brings it up. They tell me to put pressure on him to fulfill the obligations.
What they don’t know is that his refusal to pay the dowry is the least of my problems. We’ve been having financial struggles since we got married. It has stained every aspect of our lives.
I am not saying that I am the perfect human being. All I am saying is that a lot of our marital problems have to do with my husband.
While I am fighting to keep things fresh and exciting within the marriage, my husband would rather get his excitement from other women.
“You look good,” he would tell them.
“You are a very beautiful woman,” he would sometimes say.
Meanwhile, I am a beautiful woman too living under his roof but I don’t remember the last time he told me this.
I try to organize date nights. Something to keep the marriage young and alive despite our many troubles. This man would dismiss me with excuses like, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
There are times I would go into details of what I had planned. He would simply shrug and say, “Let’s see.”
Oh, but I see him making plans with his friends. He is never too busy to go out with them. Sometimes they don’t even make plans. The moment they call him, he is out the door.
One time I sat him down and asked him, “What’s going on? Why have you changed so much? You were not like this in the first two years of our marriage.”
He blamed it on money. He said he was too occupied with our financial problems to have time for anything else. What has giving your wife some time and attention got to do with money? How much does it cost to pay the woman you live with a simple compliment?
I don’t even understand why he is using money as an excuse. I have been in charge of the bills these past few years. His business hasn’t been doing well, and as a supportive wife, I have been handling everything.
When I say everything, I mean every wee little thing. From our rent to utility bills to all the other bills in the house. It’s beginning to take a toll on me.
I am not able to use my earnings to pursue my personal goals. It all goes into the home.
Before marriage, I was pursuing a four-year degree. Now, I’m in year five but I still haven’t completed it. This aside, I was running a business but I had to shut it down. I kept spending the proceeds and even the capital on household expenses. It just couldn’t hold up with all that pressure.
Everything I spend money on is for the family. By the time I receive my salary, nearly all of it would have gone into bills. It’s even a luxury for me to spend money on my hair.
Despite all this, I haven’t complained. I am not letting it get in the way of my relationship with my husband. I feel everything I do is for our future and our happiness. When it comes to him I can’t say the same.
I think he is looking out for himself. I understand his business is down but once in a while, he makes some money. He never tells me how much he made nor does he attempt to split the bills when the business gets some clients.
I have no idea how he spends his money, but I do know that he manages to pay for his own haircuts and buy himself new clothes. Anything that has to do with lifting some of the financial burden off me doesn’t concern him.
I want to know if there is any woman here who has been in my shoes before. How did you navigate these rough waters in your marriage? I need to know if there’s hope that my husband will change.
Maybe once his business starts picking up, he will start contributing to the home and focus on keeping the marriage working. I don’t want to accept that everything I am experiencing now will be my reality throughout the marriage. How do I change things?
