We’ve been together for a very long time—if I remember correctly, since JHS. He’s much older than I am, with a wide gap, but he convinced me that it was okay. However, I always wondered why he chose to be with someone my age, especially considering the kind of women he meets daily. Whenever I brought it up, he’d shrug and say, “It’s you I want.”......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>
About a year into our relationship, he vanished without a trace. I couldn’t reach him on the phone. And I had no idea where to find him. I was sad. I grieved him. But eventually, I moved on.
After a year or two, when I had learned to cope with his absence, he found his way back into my life. I tried everything I could to avoid him, but it didn’t work. I was even rude to him, but he was persistent. He’s not someone you can easily push away.
Yes, he never asked for intimacy or anything physical but I didn’t want to give him the chance to get in my head again. However, after repeatedly asking me for another chance, I finally gave in.
Before he disappeared, I would have described him as the perfect guy. He was calm, smart, loving, and everything I wanted in a man. He was so good to me. He always wanted to take care of me. I even declined his financial help several times, but he would still send money. I will forever be grateful to him for his kindness.
However, he was impatient when he came back. And it led to a misunderstanding that revealed his true self.
Here is the thing, I met another guy when he disappeared. Because I was in such a vulnerable place, I poured all my love into this guy. When he realized how deeply I loved him, he started treating me badly. I had already lost a boyfriend and didn’t want to lose another one, so I stayed.
I explained my relationship with this other guy when Peter came back on the scene. It was supposed to push him away but he asked me to choose. “You are only with him because I left. Now that I am back, he doesn’t get to stay.”
I delayed in making a choice so Peter got angry. He called me hurtful names. He said I was treacherous and evil for having multiple partners. I was too shocked to talk so I hung up. Then I texted him, “Since I am not the perfect woman you want why don’t you move on and find someone your age?”
I didn’t expect him to call me again after such disrespect but he did. And foolishly, I answered. Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t let him go then but I wish I had.
After I completed SHS, we agreed to let go of the misfortunes in the past and take each other seriously. I even moved to Accra so I could be closer to him. But when he found out I was still friends with the other guy, he disrespected me again. No amount of, “there is nothing going on between us went into his ears.” The verbal abuse broke me.
My older brother noticed something was wrong, and when I explained, he was furious. He urged me to end the relationship immediately. Instead of listening, I told him Peter would change.
My brother later told our other sibling, and they both pleaded with me to leave Peter but I ignored them every time. They told me that a man who has trust issues must be hiding something himself. “Besides, he is too old for you,” they said as they tried to reason with me. I feel really stupid now for not listening to them.
Just last month, I saw that he used a picture of my closest friend as his profile photo on TikTok. When I asked him why, he said he didn’t know how it got there. “My phone updated itself and must have randomly picked that picture out of all the photos in my gallery.” Really? Am I supposed to believe this?
Peter has really shown me shege these past few months since I left Accra. Suddenly, he is always busy. He has excuses every time I call him.
“Abena, I’m with my friends, I’ll call you back.”
“There are people in my car, I’ll call you soon.”
“I’m on my way to work, let me call you later.”
He once told me he’d call at 12 noon, but called at 11 p.m. instead. His excuse was that he was stuck in traffic the entire time.
I don’t buy any of his excuses. No one is that busy. Whenever I try to talk to him about his behavior he tells me I am nagging. I know I am young and inexperienced when it comes to relationships but does his behavior make sense? There’s probably someone else in the picture, right?
Is it a crime for me to fall this deeply in love with him? The last time he disappeared physically. This time around, he is doing it emotionally. Does he treat me this way because he knows I will put up with it?
I am really tired of the way he disrespects me and dismisses my feelings. I deserve better. I deserve respect—even if I am younger than my partner.
He introduced me to this page so I am leaving this message here for him. Peter, thank you for your kindness and generosity throughout the years but I am finally moving on. I hope you also move on and never come looking for me again.
