I was 19, a fresh SHS graduate when I met Jonah. He is twelve years older than me but I decided to give him a chance when he asked me to be his girlfriend. By then, he was a junior at a church. That church became my church because of him.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>
Apart from pastoral work, he didn’t have any other job. Because of this, he had nothing to offer me in terms of finances. He could barely do anything for himself to start with. Through it all, I stayed by his side. Now, I didn’t stay out of love. I barely had any romantic feelings for him. I think I stayed because I felt pity for him.
When I eventually introduced him to my mum she didn’t approve of him. “You shouldn’t marry from his tribe. Let him go,” she said. I was a mummy’s girl back then. I did everything she wanted. So although I didn’t want to, I broke up with Jonah.
After the breakup, I dated another guy, but I couldn’t forget about Jonah. I tried to make it work but my heart was in it at all. In the end, I found out that he had another woman at his workplace. The lady was even someone I often greeted whenever I went there to see him. Can you believe it? Anyway, that was my cue to leave the relationship.
I went back to Jonah after I left. But I had changed. My experience with the guy who had a girlfriend had made me distrustful of men. I became overly cautious of Jonah. I monitored him as if he was a cheat. I found nothing but still, I became emotionally distant. Whenever he was around, I was often angry or annoyed, and I’d say harsh things to him.
He took everything I dished out without complaining. He never showed that he was hurting, even though our relationship stayed that way for about five to six years.
Although we spoke about marriage, no definite plans were made. Only for me to receive a confusing surprise one sunny Sunday afternoon.
I was resting at home after prayers when I was told I had a visitor. I came out to see Jonah standing out there with his friends and family. They had come to ask for my hand in marriage.
The reason we never made any plans was because I wasn’t sure I was ready. He knew this yet he decided to move past me and see my family. I was so annoyed when I saw the faces of the people present. I was in church that morning with half of them, yet they didn’t see the need to tell me about their plans.
I didn’t want to ruin the mood so I swallowed my displeasure. I went with the flow and we proceeded with preparations for the traditional marriage rites.
However, I started noticing something in him that I didn’t like. He was stingy with money. To be fair, during our dating stage, I rarely asked him for money, except in emergencies, and he only gave willingly once in a while.
I had already explained to him that I wasn’t financially stable for marriage. “I don’t get paid for the work I help my aunt with.” He said he didn’t mind covering all the expenses for the marriage ceremony.
But whenever I asked for money to buy the items on the list, he would give only part of it or suggest we don’t buy it. That frustrated me but I didn’t complain.
One day, he bought the fabrics we planned to use for our traditional attire and told me to pay for the sewing fee. This is someone who said he would pay for everything when I made it clear to him that I wasn’t financially ready for any of this. I got so mad that I stopped discussing finances with him altogether.
For about three to four months, he tried to get me to talk to him, but I didn’t. Instead, I withdrew emotionally. No matter how hard to know what the problem was, I refused to talk. It was easier for me to give him attitude and treat him poorly.
Earlier this year, I made a vow to stop behaving that way. I went to his house to apologize and asked for his forgiveness. I opened up about how much I had grown to love him over those past four months. But he wasn’t receptive. I was devastated and even more depressed when he told me that he had met someone new. “Unlike you, she loves me. She doesn’t have an attitude problem. She shows me care.”
I visited him three times, to try and make things right, but each time, he insulted me and told me I didn’t measure up to his new woman. He even told me about how she satisfied him sexually—something I couldn’t relate to. As a virgin, I had never slept with him. All we did was make out sometimes.
The last time I visited him, I met her there. I didn’t react violently. I only tried to speak to him but he sacked me. Oh, but that was not all.
He called me later that night while I was asleep. “Why would you tell her I told you she was my sister? Now she has packed her stuff and she is gone. I hope you are happy,” he ranted amidst hurling insults at me.
Now, I’m torn. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I also feel hurt and confused. One part of me wants to walk away for good. Another part wants to stay and fight for this relationship. I need honest advice. Is there any chance that I can make it work?
