Simon and I started talking barely two weeks ago. Before that, I used to see him around. Sometimes I would wonder if he was a friend but I think not. He was just a familiar face among the sea of faces who buy porridge from me. That’s what I do for a living. I sell porridge to fend for myself and my fourteen-year-old son. I had been single for a while because of the way my last relationship ended. I told myself I wouldn’t get involved with anyone else until I was sure it was someone who would lend me a helping hand instead of taking the little I have from me......See Full Story>>.....See Full Story>>
So when Simon expressed interest in me, I asked what he did for a living. He said he is an Uber driver. “I don’t own the car drive though,” he added, “It’s someone’s car I am driving. Work and pay.” I didn’t mind. As long as he had a source of income and it was honest living, I was fine.
One of the things he did when we began the talking stage was when he came to buy porridge and didn’t pay for it. It’s not as if I couldn’t have given him free porridge if he asked or if I wanted to. But it just didn’t seem right to me that a man who knows this is how I earn money to take care of myself and my son, would use our closeness as an opportunity to get free breakfast from me. It’s one thing if you don’t want to enrich my life in any way that would ease my burdens, but don’t take the little I have too. That has always been my headache when it comes to men.
Anyway, as Simon and I got closer I opened up to him about my struggles. Most of the things I talked about had to do with my son and his health challenges. “He has been having problems with his spine,” I disclosed. I talked about the stress involved with hospital appointments and managing the costs of treatment. He asked how I was footing the hospital bills and I told him, “I get help from my church. Apart from them, there’s no one from anywhere I can count on.” He encouraged me that things would be fine and I thanked him.
This morning I was home when he showed up looking deflated. I panicked thinking something horrible had happened. When he was ready to talk he said his mother had gotten sick. He is the firstborn and the only one with a stable job. So in situations like this, he is expected to take care of things. I didn’t have any money lying around for the bills apart from what was meant for my car’s owner. Now, my boss wants his money back but I don’t have it to give him. Can I get a loan from you? I will repay it on Friday,” he requested.
I wasn’t even surprised when he asked me for money. The way the story started I already knew that was where we were headed. I explained to him that I didn’t have any money to spare. The only money I had was GHC500. My church gave it to me to pay for my son’s X-ray. I thought he would leave it alone but his ears pricked up when he heard that I had some money. He asked me to lend him the money meant for the X-ray. He swore he would pay it back by Friday.
As much as I wished I could help him, this is my son’s life we are talking about. “If I give it to you what do I tell my church? If you don’t pay it back on time, how would we do this X-ray?” I asked him. This guy kept putting pressure on me, amidst assurances that he would pay the money by Friday as promised.
I then suggested that if that was the case, he should explain his situation to his boss. He didn’t want to do it. He kept acting as if his boss wouldn’t understand. I also insisted I needed to show the X-ray to my church on Sunday so I couldn’t give him the money.
We went back and forth until he agreed to call his boss. The call was even on speaker. He explained his mother’s illness to his boss. The man understood and agreed to take his money on Friday. This was a simple thing that shouldn’t have dragged on but Simon made it look like it was a war waiting to happen.
After he left my place, I have been thinking a lot. I keep asking myself if it isn’t too early for a man who hasn’t done anything for me to start asking me for things. This is the same thing that happened to break up my past relationship. My ex Kwesi was the kind of man who always complained about money. He often talked about how small his salary was. One time I asked him for financial assistance and he stated that GHC1000 was not enough money for him to get by, let alone extend to me. I understood him.
We agreed that no intimacy until marriage but sometimes I cooked for him. Usually, I would have to add my own money to whatever he gave me before I bought enough ingredients to cook and stock his fridge. When I needed to buy a phone, I took a loan from friends and gave him the money to buy the phone for me. He requested that I pay for his transportation expenses before he would buy the phone, and I did. I was doing all this because I loved him.
Then one day he ruined a friend’s laptop. It cost him GHC1000 to fix it. When this guy decided to use his entire month’s salary to fix the computer, I advised him against it. I asked him, “If you use all that money, how will you survive?” He didn’t mind me. When he used all the money, I was the one he turned to for assistance. I didn’t complain. I helped him however best I could.
After everything, he complained that I wasn’t supportive. According to him, the fact that I discouraged him from using all his salary to pay for the laptop meant I didn’t want to give him my money. Because of this issue, he broke up with me.
Meanwhile, the only time this man gave me money in the one-year period we dated was when I needed over GHC1000 to buy textbooks for my son. He gave me GHC50 to cover part of the cost. Through all this, I didn’t complain or try to leave him because I knew I was not his responsibility. That’s why it broke my heart when he left me saying I didn’t want to help him, even though I did help him.
After that relationship, I resolved not to find myself in this situation again. That’s why I can’t get Simon’s behaviour out of my mind. We are barely two weeks into the talking stage but he has already started showing signs of a man who would take from me but won’t give anything back. I am thinking of withdrawing from him before we get any closer. Am I writing him off too quickly?