We Are Married But We Still Want Each Other

I’m still in love with my ex, Kojo, even though I’ve been married to Kofi for a few months now. I was the one who ended things with him. He found out I was entertaining Kofi while we were still together. “You can’t have us both,” he said, “Either let him go or I leave. Choose.” I chose Kofi.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

Now, I am looking back and wondering why I made that choice. Everything points to the fact that I should have chosen Kojo.

We had it all. I was with him for five years. Getting to the later part of our relationship he started pulling away due to issues with his stay abroad papers.

I wanted to be there for him. But he pushed me away every time I tried to get close. He became distant from me. He said he needed to focus on solving his problems. “I need to figure this out on my own.”

It was during this time that my aunt introduced Kofi to me. “I think you two will be perfect for each other. Get to know him,” she encouraged.

It wasn’t difficult to like Kofi. He was interesting to talk to and his company was great. However, I didn’t like him enough to consider him for marriage. My heart was already occupied by Kojo. And I wanted nothing more than to make things work with him.

I prayed for him, encouraged him, and in return, he kept me at arm’s length. That’s how Kofi gradually took up more of my attention.

By the time Kojo came to his senses, Kofi and I were too far gone. Our families had even gotten involved with our relationship.

He came down to see me and proposed marriage. I looked at him. He had the face of the man I loved but he was too late. Another man took his place while he was busy pushing me away.

That was when I told him about Kofi and he asked me to choose. When I chose Kofi he was hurt. I saw the look of brokenness on his face. He said he understood and then walked away from me.

Four months later, he got married. He hid it from me until I also got married. He said he never mentioned it because he didn’t want to hurt me. And though I know it’s irrational, I resented him for keeping it from me.

Now, we’re both married but still long for each other.

To make things even more complicated, I’ve discovered that my husband has a serious issue. His thing doesn’t work at all. It doesn’t even rise.

He lives in the States, and from the beginning, I was comfortable with a long-distance relationship. I don’t like sharing a living space for too long, as I tend to get irritated easily. I’m currently working on it in therapy. I’m not yet better but he is making every effort for me to join him. I don’t want to go but I don’t know how to tell him.

He is not easy to talk to. That’s why whenever I have problems, I turn to Kojo. He understands me, listens, and offers solutions—something I can’t get from Kofi. He is too judgmental.

That aside, his ego prevents him from acknowledging his sexual health issues issue and seeking help. I understand that no one is perfect. And these are his only flaws. He is wonderful in every other aspect of our marriage. So I am trying to embrace him for who he is but I still can’t seem to love him.

To find a way to love Kofi, I have been trying to detach from Kojo. I’ve blocked him several times, but I always end up reaching out again. How do I move on from him for good?

While I am figuring out my emotions, I am not ready to move to the States. How do I explain this to Kofi especially when he and everyone else in our lives expect me to join him.