I doubt I can ever love again.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>
You know how they say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder? Well, scratch that! As far as I’m concerned, the beauty of the woman I met six years ago has everyone beholden.
I know for a fact that no man or even woman would lay eyes on her and not call her beautiful, and I am not exaggerating.
What first drew my attention to her was the sound of her laughter. She was having a conversation with someone, while I was attending to a friend. Then I heard her laugh out loud. Goodness! The sound of her cackle penetrated right into my heart. It was charming.
I confidently turned to the direction the laughter came from, but I got shy when our eyes met. I turned my eyes away swiftly, but not before I saw her perfect set of white teeth. Her smile had me smiling shyly.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. It felt like a bewitchment. Her dreamy eyes haunted my mind as my friend tried to get my attention. Her back was turned to me but I couldn’t get out images of her beautiful round face out of my head.
Although I couldn’t talk to her, I knew I’d see her again. My boss had decided we would continue to conduct business with her organization.
As fate would have it, we met again. This time, we were both on the field gathering some data for our companies.
She will never know the joy I felt that day. It was heavenly. Almost as if nothing else mattered in the world. “Now that I see her today, I don’t mind if I die tomorrow. I have experienced real heart-satisfying joy for one day,” I said to my heart.
We started talking every day after that day. That’s how easily we became best friends and lovers. It was the kind of love that I wanted to shout from the rooftops. That was physically impossible so I settled for the virtual space. I posted her on my WhatsApp status at least once every week. I did that to the point where it became nauseating to others.
Our jobs were demanding but we were intentional about making time for each other. We spoke on the phone every little chance we got. We visited each other whenever it was possible. My world revolved around her.
I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend but one thing that’s true is that, in my own way, I loved her more than anything. My friends and hers used to make jokes about our love. They felt it was not normal the way we clung to each other.
“What has Yvonne done to you?”
“Did she cast a spell on you?”
“This girl’s juju must be very strong.”
I never cheated on her, but it doesn’t mean I was on my best behaviour throughout. I had my shortcomings too. But I was working on myself.
One year into the relationship, I found out she cheated on me on more than one occasion. It broke me. It screwed with my head. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or concentrate on work.
I was losing my mind, yet I couldn’t call off the relationship. It felt like leaving her was more hurtful than staying. She kept saying she was sorry. “I don’t know why I did it. I promise it will never happen again.”
Since I couldn’t leave the relationship because I was still very much in love with her, I felt compelled to forgive her. That way we could continue being in each other’s lives.
Little did I know that forgiving a woman for cheating is the biggest mistake any man can make. The disrespect and emasculation that follow will leave you questioning your very existence.
She now started seeing and treating me like a weak and pathetic man with no options. I experienced “shege” for giving her another chance. Deep down I knew I wasn’t happy but guess what? I still couldn’t leave her. I was still in love.
Three years into the relationship, she broke up with me. She didn’t tell me why. She only said she was done.
I pleaded with her to reconsider but she refused. I cried and even involved my parents to get her to change her mind, but she still didn’t want me back.
I was depressed for a long time. I went to therapy even. I did all the work I needed to do to get over her.
Eventually, I healed from the pain and heartache. I’ve gotten over it, but I don’t think I can ever love again. The experience has changed me so much. I’ve become withdrawn, defensive, and mean.
I hate the person I’ve become, but I find it necessary as a protective strategy.
I’m not saying I was the saint in the relationship. I wasn’t. I’m just saying I wish she loved me and my imperfections, just as I loved her unconditionally.
M.P
