She Chose to Be a Baby Mama Instead of Waiting to Be a Wife

We broke up when she got pregnant. It’s a long story of coercion, misunderstanding, and family manipulations, but I’ve come to accept my fate and am ready to fight to right the wrongs. This is what happened…......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

I was sure I was going to marry Becky. Less than a year into our relationship, we talked about marriage. She didn’t have a job, so I had to do a lot of saving to be able to marry her. And then she got pregnant.

The night she told me, I was confused, but I knew I was going to be a father. She wanted to let the pregnancy go because she wanted to be a wife first. We argued it out. I told her my stand: “I’m a sinner, and I’ve done a lot of awful things, but I won’t add this to my sins. It’s too grave to bear. Let’s have it. It will make life difficult but won’t destroy our lives.”

We agreed I’d do the knocking and marry her after she had delivered.

Everything changed when she told her parents about the pregnancy. Her father called me on the phone and said, “Joe, you have to marry my daughter before the pregnancy begins to show, else I’ll never forgive you.” Her mom also called: “Joe, why would you do this to my daughter when you’re not married? In our house, no one gives birth before marriage. You have to marry her.”

I went to meet them with my family. My dad pleaded. My uncle even opined that a pregnant woman can’t be wedded. I told her parents the reason I couldn’t marry her at that time: I didn’t have the money. “Becky knows I would marry her in a blink if I had what it takes.”

Becky was standing there. She didn’t utter a word in support of me. She was sitting there, wearing a frown. After we had left, she called me on the phone: “Joe, the marriage has to happen. Borrow money from family and friends. By all means, we have to marry because in my family, we don’t put the cart before the horse. Be a man, and let’s have a wedding before this begins to show.”

Where I come from, if we can’t put the cart before the horse, we’ll let them be. Let the cart sit somewhere and also allow the horse to prance and dance freely. So things escalated quickly. Becky’s father said he wouldn’t like to see me near his daughter again if I didn’t perform the rite. Becky did the cursing, saying if my intention was to get her pregnant and marry another woman, it would never be well with me. She even said any woman I marry would die.

She blocked me along the way. I couldn’t go to her house, and I couldn’t call her on the phone. Her father became a fortress around his daughter. For two months, I saw her once, but I was sending her Momo. Whenever I had my salary, I shared it with her. It wasn’t much, but it was something. She never called to say thank you or even acknowledge that she’d received it.

When she gave birth, I went to the hospital with my dad and an uncle. Her mom was there. She left when we entered. I asked for the bills. She said they weren’t ready until she was discharged. When we were leaving, she said she wouldn’t want to see me around again because she hadn’t called me.

I didn’t know when she was discharged and didn’t know the total amount she had to pay, but again, I sent her Momo. When we wanted to go and name the child, her father told me, “You’re coming to name the child as what? In my house, we don’t name a child born out of wedlock.”

Eiii!

I stopped trying to be in their lives while all they did was ignore me. Three years later, I got a call from a lady who said she was calling from Social Welfare. Becky had reported me to them. I went with my dad. We narrated the whole ordeal, and the woman in charge was even shocked that they would prevent me from seeing and naming my own child. In the end, we agreed on a lump sum I would send monthly.

I send even a higher amount than we agreed on each month. She’s still not working. She still relies on what her parents give her. She tells me she can’t leave the child alone and go to work, so the child is the reason she’s not working. I told her, “Then start something on your own. You can sell, you can provide a service on your own, you can even do online sales.”

The Becky I fell in love with was smart and ambitious, but this one I see has given up on herself. She told me she would like to sell women’s stuff, so I gave her GHC5,000 at first and later added another GHC5,000. She squandered the money and still calls every month for the amount I have to send. She gets angry when I ask her about the business I invested GHC10,000 in. Now she tells me the child got sick, and a lot of the money went into it.

I’ve given up. I’ll continue sending the monthly stipend, but one day, I’ll go for the child. Even if I have to fight ugly to get the child, I’ll do it because this woman won’t help my child or herself.