No Woman Deserves To Date A Man Like My Boyfriend

I’m in a long-distance relationship. We were all in Ghana trying to make it in life until I moved here to the USA to pursue higher education. I am not doing badly but I feel lonely most of the time. One moment I was a little fish playing in the pond, and the next moment, I am in a big ocean swimming with sharks.......➡️CONTINUE READING THE FULL ARTICLES HERE.

Survival here has been brutal. Anyone who’s ever left home for another country knows how difficult it is. I have had no one to lean on but God. This is one of the reasons I have been trying for my boyfriend to move here with me.

I believe if he joins me here, we can work and plan together to build a good life for ourselves. But nothing I have done to bring him here has worked.

At first, he said he wouldn’t come because his family wouldn’t let him. “They need me here. I am the man in the house currently,” he would say.

By and by, we got his mother to agree. I thought it would make things easier but he was still reluctant. I should have seen his disinterest as a red flag but I didn’t.

I kept pushing until he told me about a job opportunity in the UK. We gave it our all but it didn’t work out.

I encouraged him not to give up. “Apply to a school and join me here in the USA then.”

This one too, I had to push him before he agreed. I took it upon myself to look for schools for him. All he had to do was submit his documents for the application. He gave me excuses upon excuses before he finally sent the documents.

I handled the process, paid the fees and everything else that involved money, even though I barely had enough for myself.

Everything went well until it was time for his interview. The only thing left was his transportation to Togo. I had already paid the interview fees and other expenses, but I didn’t have any money left. So I asked him to find money and pay for the cost.

A few days to the interview, he called me and said, “Since you don’t have money, and I am also broke, why don’t we postpone the interview till we can afford it?” By “we”, he meant me.

He wanted me to tell him it was a good idea but I refused. I told him, “You are an adult. Do whatever you believe will make you happy.”

At that point, I was tired of always initiating, always forcing, always dragging him to do better with his life. So I decided to leave him alone and focus on myself.

Before I made this decision, I had sidelined my own needs for his sake.

On three different occasions, I used money meant for my fees to help him pay rent. Even when I was sick, lying in bed without income and struggling with bills, he asked me for money. “I can’t go to work if you don’t send me anything.”

After I gave it to him I asked, “If you are doing a job that won’t afford you transportation to work, then why don’t you want to join me here?”

He couldn’t give me any reasonable explanation. It’s not as if I left him to do it all alone. My family even stepped in to help him during the UK work process—and when it didn’t work out and he got his refund, he didn’t think to return their money.

While all this was going on, I was struggling with my immigration status. So after the last try, I detached from him and did my best to solve my immigration issues.

He complained bitterly that I was distant but I didn’t mind him. When he wouldn’t stop, I finally cracked and admitted, “This relationship is suffocating me. I need a break.”

“What do you mean you need a break? What am I supposed to do with myself while you are gone? Stop being selfish.”

Me, selfish? I couldn’t believe it. All I ever did was show up for him. I was the first person he ran to when he was in trouble. I can’t say the same for him. Even when all I needed was someone to comfort me, I couldn’t count on him.

“Do you ever stop to think that maybe I also need help? That maybe I’m exhausted? That I have no one to ask for help, not even money?”

“It’s not my fault that I can’t help you. Things haven’t been easy for me.”

I know things are hard for him but when someone loves you they show you by sharing their little with you. When I search my mind, I can’t mention anything he has done for me.

The closest he came to helping me was when he gave me GHC500 when I was preparing to travel. He complained every day that he was broke because of the money he gave me. I had to return it to him for my peace of mind.

Initially, I wanted a break but looking back at the entire situation makes me emotionally drained. I want to move on and be free, but he keeps making me feel like I’m the one who’s done something wrong.

He has not apologized for wasting all my efforts to help him. Rather, he is making me feel like a bad person for walking away. Am I doing anything wrong by choosing myself for once? Unfortunately, the love I have for him is making it difficult for me to stand my ground when he acts so wronged. I need all the advice I can get to let go of this leech so I can live my life freely.