My Mom Is Pushing Me to Marry Her Ex-Boyfriend
At first, it came as a mother’s advice—a mother who wanted the best for her daughter. She told me, “Marry him. He’s a good man. He’ll make you comfortable.”......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>
I looked at the man, his age, and what he’d been through and told my mom, “Being a good man isn’t enough. His age, his children—they’re about my age. I can’t marry him. That’s not how I envisioned my life.”
She wasn’t pleased with my answer, but she gave me time to think about it. I had nothing to think about, but anytime the man came around, my mom became pushy. She would want me to serve him, entertain him, or talk to him until he left. I didn’t have a problem with that. The man had a certain warmth about him. He spoke calmly and coaxed me with the voice of a shepherd.
“Sit next to me; I don’t bite,” he would say. I would sit next to him, and my mom would leave us alone. We would talk about life and living it. He would ask about my job and how it was going. He would talk about abroad and how easy life was out there. He wouldn’t propose or talk about loving me. He would only hint at his desire to travel with me. Once he’d left, my mom would become a monster and shout at me.
“The young men you dated—what have they done for you?” she would ask. “If they were better, then why are you still living in your mother’s house?” I would respond with a hint of sarcasm. She would get angry and tell me I would regret it.
It got to a point where I needed someone to talk to, someone to speak my language in a way my mom would understand. I went to my aunt Sophia and laid all my frustrations at her feet. She sided with my mom initially and insisted old men treat their wives very well. I said, “But he’s a divorcee.” She responded, “It doesn’t matter. Those men come with the good kind of love.” I screamed, “But his children are almost my age!” She said, “That means they wouldn’t be home to cause you problems.”
She had a response to whatever I said until I mentioned the man’s name. She said, “Wait, what’s his name again?” “Mr. Kwakye,” I responded. “Is he fair? Tall? Has a gap in his teeth?” she asked. I responded, “Wait, do you know him?” She answered, “Let me talk to your mother first.”
When they talked, my mom was on the defensive. I was there. I heard them talk; I heard them even when they whispered the parts they didn’t want me to hear. I followed keenly until I heard my aunt say, “You dated this same person and want your daughter to do the same? That’s far-fetched.” My mom responded, “That was years ago. It was just friendship; nothing happened.”
I was like, “Huh? He’s my mother’s ex? Why would a mother want her daughter to marry her ex?” I jumped into the conversation uninvited. They both shouted at me to keep quiet, as if I was an annoying kid who asked too many questions.
When Mr. Kwakye found my mom, my dad was already in the picture, but from what my aunt told me, my mom liked him very much. She sneaked out often to see him. When she came back home, she talked about how different and lovely the man was. But my dad had already knocked on the door and was waiting to marry my mom officially. According to my aunt, my mom told her Mr. Kwakye wanted to run away with her when he was about to travel abroad.
My mom ended up with my dad, and Mr. Kwakye also ended up abroad. They lost touch until Mr. Kwakye returned as a divorcee with four children. My dad had died years ago, but my mom married again to a man who preferred to live his life in the village rather than be in the city with my mom. I don’t know why he’s not chasing my mom instead. If they had an illicit affair when they were young, they could have it again today, right? Spoiled old people.
Since my aunt came up with the revelation, my mom has softened her stance. She’s no longer pushy but speaks to me pleadingly. When I met Mr. Kwakye again, I asked him about the story of him and my mom. He brushed it off and said, “She had your dad. She loved your dad more than anything, so she only gave me friendship.”
He denied wanting to elope with her. He denied ever being with her in secret. But to me, they have a reason to lie; my aunt doesn’t. And that aside, I’m not ready to date a man whose kids are almost my age. I want my own man, someone I can grow old with, a man whose life I can witness until our dying days. That man hasn’t come yet, but I won’t rush. I won’t listen to my mom and jump into this secondhand relationship. It has too many complications to make a good relationship.