I Tried To Be Friends With My Ex But It Backfired

Ours was a slow-burn romance. The typical “Friends to lovers” trope we read in Mills and Boons, and see in Hallmark movies. Our friendship was very solid. There was safety between us. This gave me permission to be vulnerable with him. No matter what I shared with him, he never judged me. I was also the one person he could be his true self with.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

I saw parts of him the world didn’t know. I had never had that kind of connection with anyone until he came along. It made my heart feel light in a way I still can’t explain. As if I had been carrying a burden of loneliness and his presence relieved me of that.

It was no surprise when the lines of our friendship started blurring. I felt things for him that I had never felt for any man. It was intoxicating and scary. He was not scared though. He assured me we could make it work.

“What are you so afraid of?” He asked me, every time I turned down his proposal that we take things to the next level.

“I am afraid it would burn to ashes, this beautiful friendship we have, if we don’t make it work as lovers,” I wanted to tell him.

Instead, I said I wasn’t sure it was the best thing to do. Eventually, he wore me down. I decided to take a chance in hopes that it would work. Is it really love if you are not willing to risk everything for it?

I gave it my all but it all turned cold. He gave it his best too. We were together for four years. We went through so much within this period. My family came to accept him as though he was one of us. I became a daughter to his mother.

Our pastors knew about us as well, and they encouraged us to get married. It was the plan but we had to prepare first. He was trying to land a job in his dream company so we could start saving our marriage. I was also looking for a job while managing the business we established together.

We had it all figured out until we didn’t. Things started changing. There were no fights. There were no problems. We were crazy about each other one moment, and the next moment we were in a slump.

The fire had quenched and nothing we did to rekindle the passion worked. I felt it. Bright felt it too. Chemistry like ours does not die out without leaving a loud emptiness in its wake.

The good thing is that we were on the same page when we agreed to end things. We had a good run but we realized that the love we felt for each other thrived better within the confines of friendship. So that’s what we did. We kept the friendship.

The transition from lovers back to platonic friends wasn’t exactly smooth. The remnants of our intimate moments reared their nostalgic heads once in a while. Sometimes we gave in to passion. But most of the time, I stayed away when those feelings arose.

By and by, we found a way to navigate those difficult emotions. It’s been six years since that break up and we made a lot of progress in our friendship until recently when he slept with someone very close to me.

This happened when we went on a weekend trip to celebrate my birthday. It was a small party of people in my close circle. So my female best friend was there with her boyfriend. My boyfriend was present too. And then there was Bright who came with a male friend.

While we were playing drinking games, he leaned closer to me and whispered; “Your friend Ama is looking so good. Can I eat her?”

I laughed and slapped on his arm. I thought he was joking. Oh, but he wasn’t. Every minute he found me alone he would say, “I really want to hook up with your friend.”

Eventually, I got tired and said, “You are an adult. Do whatever you want?”

When I got the chance I told Ama, “Bright is trying to sleep with you. Do with this information as you please.”

She also laughed and said he was joking. I told her he seemed determined, and went about my business of being merry on my birthday.

We spent two nights at the beach house. When we got back, Ama called me in the middle of the work week and asked if I could talk. She sounded serious.

She confessed that she slept with Bright while we were on the trip. “It happened twice. Girl, it was so good. This guy knows his way around a woman’s body.”

My initial reaction was shock. She had a boyfriend so what was she thinking? Also, how and when did they do it?

Don’t get me wrong, I completely feel nothing for the guy. But it rubbed me wrongly when I asked if he slept with my best friend and he lied.

I felt we had a friendship that was built on trust and safety, you know. Even after the breakup, we found our way to that place again. If he needed assistance for anything, I was there for him. If I needed to talk to someone about something major in my life, I would talk to him. So yes, I was hurt that he lied about what happened between them.

I had to have a conference call with the two of them before he admitted the truth. When I asked why he lied he said it was none of my business who he slept with.

“If you believe it’s not my business then why did you tell me you wanted to do it in the first place?”

There was a lot of back and forth but he insisted he did nothing wrong by hooking up with Ama and lying to me about it. I understand that that’s his choice. It’s just that I value honesty.

So I am beginning to see him differently. I keep wondering what else he has lied about. It doesn’t serve me well to think about these things. This is why I have decided to take a step back from the friendship.

He doesn’t understand why this should be a problem. He says I am overreacting.

“We are just friends so why is this a problem?”

Is he right that this isn’t a big deal and I am the one blowing things out of proportion?

– Ursula