I Am Having A Miracle Baby But I Am So Unhappy

This pregnancy is a miracle but I can’t bring myself to feel joyous about it. The man I have loved for five years has turned into a stranger, and it hurts like hell everything I am enduring because of him.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

This is a man who asked me to give him a child in the earlier years of our relationship. I loved him but I told him, “How can we have a child at this time that we are not ready? Marriage is supposed to come before childbirth.”

He said he understood but occasionally he brought up the subject. Now, while I was committed to making the relationship work, I had a son when I was twenty. The experience wasn’t one I would like to repeat. So my answer remained no.

His next proposal was marriage. At that time, I was yet to be posted for work, which meant I had no money.

“I want to be able to support you financially when we get married. So let me get posted for work first, then we can start planning,” I told him.

He didn’t push the subject any further after that. All he said was, “Take as much time as you need. I am here. I won’t go anywhere.”

It wasn’t just mere words. His actions proved it. Everything about us smelled like forever.
I was thirty at the time we got together but I can boldly say that he is the only man I have truly loved. I was more intentional about him than I was with anyone I dated. I invested time, money, and whatever I could to make it work.

Two and a half years into the relationship, I was diagnosed with fibroid. The kind that would make it difficult for me to conceive. I felt it wasn’t fair to be with him knowing he wanted a child in his future. However, he didn’t let me leave when I tried to end the relationship so he could move on and find someone he could have a family with.

“You won’t get rid of me that easily. I am with you because of you, not because I want a child from you.”

This was all the proof I needed that he loved me. At the time, I had started working so I was ready for marriage. He, on the other hand, was not ready. He said I should give him a year to put a few things together.

I waited for him for two years but instead of us progressing toward our goal of marriage, we drifted apart. I tried everything I could to get us to the place we used to be but it wasn’t working.

I started thinking about walking away again. This time around, it was because I could no longer feel the love. My pregnancy chose this time to announce itself.

I should have been happy, considering my medical diagnosis, but how could I? A part of me even held out hope that it would make him start act right again but that was not what happened.

This guy told my parents that he can’t marry me but he will take care of his child. It’s been four months now yet he hasn’t fulfilled that obligation. He gets angry when I ask him for money to buy drugs.

I’m on study leave currently. I found out about the pregnancy right after my admission and study leave approval came. I wanted to let go of one: either the pregnancy or the school. However, my family and friends encouraged me to do both.

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“You can do it. We believe in you.”
I believed in myself because of their encouragement. I thought I will be able to sail through and begin a new life on campus but I was wrong.

I am seeing real pepper. Kivo doesn’t even come close. I wish I had deferred my program when I decided to have the baby. At least, I wouldn’t be as stressed as I am now. I could have just continued working and given myself this year to take care of myself and the child.

Now, it’s too late to quit the school. They told me I would lose the study leave and subsequently, my job as well. I don’t know what to do to make things easier for me.

Physically, I am exhausted. Emotionally, I am overwhelmed. I have gone through so much these past five months with no support from my baby daddy and his family. I have been crying out of disappointment. I can’t believe the person I was supposed to do life with would shirk his responsibilities and leave me to walk this road alone.