He Is Everything My Heart Wants But My Past Haunts Me

So far George has been nothing but a perfect gentleman. He is patient, attentive, and kind. I am very big on kindness because I have had to deal with some heavy emotions in the past because of the kind of men I dated. I loved them with my all, and they broke me in return.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

First, it was Lestor. He is the first man I was not afraid to say yes to. Before him, all other men had vied for my attention and failed. It wasn’t that I was uninterested in having a boyfriend. It’s just that I wasn’t ready to give any man my cookie. And I heard that boyfriends tend to demand it a lot.

Lestor, however, was different. He said he wanted to be a friend. I didn’t think there was any harm in that. He was ever ready to go above and beyond to show up for me whenever I needed him. Even if I wasn’t in any kind of trouble, he still liked to show up for me. I felt safe with him because of this.

That safety made it easy for my heart to open up to him. I’d tell anyone that he is the one man who would never hurt me. Even when our friendship progressed to a romantic relationship, he remained my trusted friend.

I told him I wasn’t ready to get intimate with him, and he was supportive. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, my dear, I respect your decision.”

One day we were spending time at his place when he started getting touchy. When it got to a point where I felt uncomfortable, I asked him to stop. He didn’t listen. I tried to push him but he wouldn’t budge. Before I knew it we were struggling.

I knew my strength was no match for his brute force so I faked an asthma attack. That was when he panicked and let me go. “I am sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” he apologized as he drove me home. It didn’t matter though. I broke up with him the moment I got inside and knew I was safe from him.

He tried to get back together with me but the trust was broken. Even to date, he still wants me back. Yes, I forgave him with time but what business do I have with a man I don’t feel safe with?

The next man who came into my life was Patrick. He is the kind of man who turns heads wherever he goes. He is mostly popular with the ladies because of his stature. He is dark, and tall, with a body that says he spends a fair amount of time at the gym. He is funny too, and who doesn’t like to be around someone who makes them laugh?

He didn’t promise me heaven, no, I wouldn’t have fallen for that anyway. he promised to be a hand I can hold through life. That alone was enough for me. Just like Lestor, he too was almost the perfect boyfriend in the beginning.

There were times I looked at him and wondered, “Where has he been my entire life? He makes me so happy.”

Unfortunately, that happiness was short-lived. He would flirt with every girl who threw themselves at him. He didn’t have any personal boundaries. They would hold him, touch him, cling to him among other things. The kind of things he said to them and even the way he would eye them as though they were a piece of meat.

He did these things in front of me.
When I complained he said, “I am not doing anything wrong. I just love people, that’s all.” Well, the same guy who likes people became too busy for me. I had to beg him for his time and attention while he was all over the place with other women. I tried to hold on to him but eventually, my heart couldn’t take it anymore.

I walked away but not without sustaining damages from that relationship.

The journey to recovery was not easy but eventually, I got there. My broken heart found a way to feel alive again.
Now, there is someone new. When he asked me to be his woman I showed him the scars on my heart.

“See this one? A man I trusted left it here. You see those ones that look like little cuts? A man who promised to hold my hand through life left them there. My heart is not ready to love again.”

“That’s fine with me. I love you and that’s all that matters to me. I will be here for you in whichever way you need.”

Truly, he has been there for me in every way possible. He knows I want to abstain until marriage and he is fine with that. Everything about him screams safety. My heart is beginning to bend toward him. It feels nice but I am afraid.

What if I let go and he doesn’t catch me? I keep thinking about all the times I got hurt. What if it happens again? I don’t know if I should take a chance or keep hiding my heart away to be safe. What do you advise I do?