No Matter What I Do, I Will Never Be Enough For This Man

I found out at the beginning of our relationship that he was involved with other women. By then the relationship hadn’t gotten far. So I decided to walk away. “If this is what I am seeing in the beginning then how will things get when we become used to each other?” I asked him.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

He begged me not to go. He said those women were in his life because he didn’t have anyone special. “What I have with them is nothing serious. It’s just an arrangement we have to satisfy each other’s needs. Trust me, now that I have you they won’t be a problem.”

I asked him to prove he was telling the truth and he did. By and by, all the other women in his life started falling off. He cut ties with all of them. He didn’t have to tell me. I could tell when they were no longer present in the relationship. The signs were there.

When I was sure it was just the two of us I became serious with him. All the parts of myself I withheld from him, I brought them out and invested them all in. I was sure that if I fulfilled all his “manly” needs, he wouldn’t have need for other women. I believed I could be enough for him.

As time went on, I started noticing things that had me worried. I went snooping through his phone and found him flirting with four different women in his contact. He had an explanation for all of them when I asked him about it.
“Oh, Sarah? This thing I told her was an inside joke. You won’t get the full context by reading our chats but there is nothing flirtatious going on here.”

“But what’s wrong with telling Ama she has nice legs? Am I not supposed to compliment my friends because I am in a relationship?”

These were some of the ways he wiggled himself out of my questions. There was never anything to pin him to. It was mostly just harmless flirtations. And since he had a way of explaining them away, I didn’t see the point in constantly asking him about them.

I decided to focus on the things he did right. He always had time for me. No matter the time of day I needed him, he showed up. He knew how to make me feel loved and appreciated. I liked that a lot. So I stopped checking his phone and just did what I could to make us happy. This in turn put an end to all my insecurities and our constant quarrels.
It’s been one and a half years since we’ve been together. A lot has changed during this period. At first, he didn’t have a job but he has one now. We were over the moon when he received his appointment letter four months ago.

“All our marriage plans and the plans we have for our future have a chance to see the light of day,” we agreed.

I knew his new job meant a change in his schedule but I didn’t expect anything drastic. He did well. He maintained the same energy we’ve had all along. I am talking about consistent text messages, regular phone calls, and video calls in between work.

Everything was fine until it wasn’t. He stopped trying. Everything we did to meet each other halfway became one-sided. I was the only one doing the calling. Sometimes he picked up. Other times he took forever to return my calls. I would text him and he would respond in hours. This was unlike him.

I asked him if everything was fine and he said, “I have just been busy with work, babe.”

I tried to be understanding but it got worse. When I sat him down for a mature conversation he didn’t listen to me. All he did was defend himself. “You keep saying I have changed but things are still the same. I have just been a little busy with work, that’s all.”

He listed all the few times he was available for me despite his demanding job. I even felt bad for complaining. I told myself I was overreacting. “Maybe he truly has been busy and I have blown things out of proportion.”

I visited him a few days ago. While he was in the washroom I got the sudden urge to check his phone. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I found another woman in there. There was nothing concrete to tell me that he was dating her. However, I saw enough to determine he was trying to get together with her.

When I confronted him he got defensive as usual. “Grace is just an old friend. That’s how we’ve always talked. You can easily say we are dating but there is nothing going on between us.”

When he realized that I didn’t believe him he threw his hands up in exasperation and shouted, “Come on, why do you have such deep trust issues? Grace knows I have a girlfriend. I know her boyfriend too. How can there ever be anything between us?”

At that moment, I knew this was going to be the rest of my life. I will never be enough for him no matter how much of myself I sacrifice for the relationship to thrive. He will always have other women on the side. As long as I stayed, the lies will never stop. He will keep gaslighting me until I finally convince myself that I am crazy for seeing him for who he truly is.

After everything we’ve been through as a couple, I can’t say I am not disappointed by the way things turned out. I have given him plenty of chances. Made so many excuses for him. But to what end?

I have decided to count my losses and walk away. It hurts now but I know I will heal eventually. I am just praying that when I finally pick up the pieces, I will find a love that won’t have eyes for other women.