He Chased Me Out Of His House Because I Refused Him Access To My Phone

I have dated different versions of Benny over the years and I have loved each one of them. We’ve been dating on and off since I left high school. Sometimes he would call things. Other times, I was the one who walked away. In the end, we always found our way back to each other.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

The last time we got back together was late last year. This time around he had become a completely different person. Physically, he was still my Benny but his were the complete opposite of the man I once knew him to be. He was calmer, more focused, and sure of himself.
He told me about his dreams. “I want to be a man who takes good care of his woman. That’s why I am working hard to establish my business.”
He is a good graphic designer who gets a lot of contracts, while I work as a caterer. Mine is a small business. I cook for people who place orders for different dishes, then I package it for them. So basically, we both owned businesses at this point.

Like I said, a lot changed about him. He took care of me in a way he never did in the past. He would hold my hand we would go for long walks. He would open doors for me everywhere we went. He would look at me randomly and say, “You are beautiful.” One time I woke in the middle of the night and went to the washroom. By the time I returned to bed, he was awake. It was dark but he whispered, “You look so beautiful.”

Everything he did made me feel so special. He taught me things about his business. So I started working on some of his contracts for him. Oh, and he is so generous. I never had to ask him for anything. I was making my own money but he insisted on providing everything I needed. If we drove past a shop and I eyed a dress or a nice pair of shoes, he would park the car and buy it for me. It was all new and sweet.

For the first time in a long time, I was happy. I would take photos of myself glowing and send them to my friends. “Look how happy I am. This is how it looks to be loved right.”

By and by I started spending more time at his place. Before I knew it, I had practically moved to his place. I only went home on weekends when I received orders. One time I hurt my shoulder while I was lifting something heavy. I couldn’t move my arm for weeks.

So Benny asked me to take a break from my business. “You don’t need the money anyway,” he said, “I will give anything your money can get for you.”

What can I say? I was in love and happy. It made it easy for me to do as he asked.
Before I knew it, I was a stay-at-home girlfriend. I barely went home, and when I did, I would return to spend the night at Benny’s. I cooked his meals, cleaned, did his laundry, everything a wife would do for a husband. And then, I worked with him on his business.

One day, something went wrong with a work he did. I suggested a way he could fix it but he didn’t listen. He kept doing different things that didn’t work. “Just try what I told you and see.”

“Shut up!” he yelled.

I was shocked. That was the first time he ever spoke to me like that. The painful part was that his sister was present when he did that. Before I could say anything he added, “Don’t tell me what to do, you are a woman.”

Words cannot capture the way I felt when he said that. As if I was less than him. When did Benny start demeaning women? I asked myself.

Later that evening, we sat down to talk about what happened. I asked him, “If as your woman, I am not allowed to help you with ideas and suggestions, then what’s my purpose in your life? I thought you loved me because I am smart.”

Dude looked me dead in the face and said, “I love you because you cook and clean. I don’t need your smartness for anything, I am an alpha male. My job is to lead and you are supposed to follow.”

Once again, my Benny shocked me. Oh, but that wasn’t all. He refused to apologize for yelling at me in front of his sister. He said he had every right to correct me. I asked if he would talk to me that way in front of other people in a bid to correct me and he nodded. “Even if it’s in front of a thousand people and I need you to shut up, I will say it. The people will even respect you for listening to your man if you obey me.”

That night I looked into the mirror and wondered who I had become. I left my business, my apartment, and cut off certain friends he didn’t approve of, all to be his woman. And now, he wants me to shut up? I couldn’t also get the words out of my mind, “I love you because you cook and clean.”

I asked myself if this was the life I wanted. How much of myself will I chip away to please him? Yes, he gives me a soft life but was it worth losing myself over?

The next morning I woke up and did my laundry. When I finished told him I would like to go home and start working on my business again. He said that was fine. He even agreed to give me some money to cushion me till I start getting new orders.
As soon as I finished taking my bath, Benny asked to go through my phone. He said he suspected I was cheating on him. “I am always at home working with you so how will I even cheat?”

He didn’t care. He insisted I give him the phone. Well, I refused. I told him I had nothing to hide but a friend had shared sensitive information with me and I wouldn’t feel right letting him see it.
“If you won’t give the phone to me then leave my house,” he snapped. I am not joking. He chased me out of his house as if I was a homeless dog. My clothes were still wet on the dry line but I had to pack them into my bag and leave.

When I got home I broke down and cried. I asked myself how a man who was so sweet could disrespect me like this. Then the answer came when he sent me a pdf file. It was a book titled, “The ways of a superior man.”

I didn’t open it. The title alone was enough for me to know why he had changed so drastically. I told myself I had seen enough to leave Benny alone for good. “No matter how much I love and miss him, I won’t go back to him. I can’t be with a man who expects me to shrink myself to fit into his definition of who a woman should be.”

He won’t let go though. He called my mother and asked her to advise me to change my ways. He also asked that I cut off my single friends and befriend married women instead. Can you believe my mother called me, while my uncle was on the line, and they both advised me to do what he wants for the sake of peace?
“A woman your age should not be driving men away. Humble yourself and let him marry you. If he says keep quiet, keep quiet. What’s wrong with that?”

Guys, I am only twenty-eight!

Benny is not even remorseful for what he did. Rather, he said he felt sorry for himself that I pushed him to act the way he did. How can I go back to him after all this?

Oh, I am so done. The problem is how to get my mother to back off my case. He sent her money so she keeps saying he is a good man. I have politely told her several times that I am no longer interested but she believes she can change my mind. I am at my wit’s end. I fear I might snap one day and speak to her in a manner I would regret.