6 Ways to Support Family or Friends During Cancer Treatment

An estimated 1 in 3 people in the United States will develop cancer in their lifetime. With rates on the rise, odds are you know or love someone with cancer who is undergoing some form of treatment. Conventional cancer treatment like surgery, radiation and chemotherapy can cause physical and emotional side effects, unprecedented medical expenses and an overall feeling of isolation. For the person who has cancer, support from family and friends is incredibly valuable. If you haven’t experienced this personally, you may wonder how you can best support them.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

As a cancer survivor and medical professional, I know firsthand how invaluable this support is. It takes a village to navigate cancer because whatever stage of life someone is in, a cancer diagnosis is life-altering.

I was first diagnosed with a rare cancer unexpectedly at age 25 while I was getting my master’s degree in clinical nutrition. My cancer returned with a vengeance at age 33 shortly after the birth of my second child. And I’ve been living with rare cancer for the past 10 years. Over the course of my 17-year cancer journey I have had multiple surgeries, treatments and secondary diagnoses. Without my village, especially my husband, life would be much harder.

I didn’t always know what I needed to thrive. Truthfully, sometimes I still don’t. But time, experience and working with others have helped to identify key ways to support myself and others. Read on to learn about six ways you can begin to support those going through cancer treatment. Hear from people who have been through treatment or are experiencing it now.

1. Don’t Ask, Just Do

Your loved ones know that you are well intentioned when you ask, “What can I do to help?” But, truth be told, this question may not be that helpful. Jennifer Rosa, an attorney and seven-year breast cancer survivor who was diagnosed young (at age 39 after only six months of marriage), says, “It’s a question that is well-meaning, but it just adds another to-do item for someone who is already dealing with so much.”

Cancer treatment is overwhelming and, while it can be difficult to manage everyday living, many people going through it can’t articulate what they need. Additionally, people don’t want to put a burden on others or feel disempowered asking for help.

Forty-year-old Kyle Stanfield from Oregon, dad to two young boys (ages 8 and 9) and a seven-year cancer warrior, says, “Very few people are going to agree to accept the help of others.” Instead of asking, just act. A card, a text or a hug is often enough. Stanfield says, “To me, the greatest support is just knowing people are there. Cancer can make you feel very lonely, so having friends and family reach out and check in is priceless.”

A 34-year-old mom of two, who is undergoing treatment for rare cancer, says, “It’s incredibly helpful when people take the time to learn about things that the person needs.” For example, “If they have kids, drop off activities for them to do when the parent is not feeling well.” If you are not sure what they need, ask someone close to them.

Rosa tells us that she received thoughtful and creative gifts during her treatment, including a beautiful scarf for when she started to lose her hair, a Star Wars stuffed animal to be her “chemo buddy,” meaningful cards, a picture her friend drew, a homemade bracelet, balloons and books.

After one of my surgeries, I had friends send beautiful coloring books and cozy socks. People held prayer services for our family and had mass said in my honor. Your actions don’t have to be extravagant to be appreciated.

2. Accompany Them to Appointments & Treatments

Having company during treatment can make the overall experience more positive, help people relax, offer another set of ears and take away the pressure of “being productive.” Sure, this process is not the same for everyone, and some people may not want company, but there can be advantages to having someone there.

My last treatment was one of the most positive ones I experienced, and I attribute that to having my sister-in-law with me. Five years ago, she insisted on taking off work and coming to my treatment session. That day the room appeared to be brighter, and I distinctly remember noticing the sleek green plant tucked cozily in the corner.

Previously, I attended treatment sessions alone. I took the train, subway and walked because I wanted to feel strong and independent. In the beginning, this strategy worked. But as time went on, I started to feel sorry for myself, sad and alone. Looking back, those negative experiences could have disrupted my healing. At the very least, they caused me stress. Perhaps it’s just coincidental, but I wonder if this positive shift is the reason I haven’t needed treatment again.

Rosa found comfort in having company during her breast cancer treatment. In a strange way, she would look forward to her sessions because she was excited to see a particular friend. She says, “The most meaningful support I received during treatment was having friends sign up for ‘chemo calendar’ and each session, a different friend, group of friends or family member would come hang out with me for the session. This made it feel less daunting.”

3. Make Mealtime Easy

Taking the stress away from cooking was a universal suggestion from everyone I spoke to, and I couldn’t agree more. This can be done in a variety of ways. Stanfield suggested purchasing DoorDash gift cards, which worked great for his family because it meant that there was something for everyone. Rosa and her husband really appreciated it when friends sent gift cards to order food or groceries and/or sent meals (either homemade or via a service). Receiving meals, she says, “Eliminated the need for us to worry about cooking or shopping on top of everything else.”

My village was always busy cooking for me and my family. My mother-in-law made nourishing meals for my family weekly, as did close family and friends. My co-worker sent groceries with easy-to-prepare foods, staples my kids ate and soups which were healing and easy to freeze.

4. Connect Them to People with Similar Experiences

When my cancer returned at age 34, I was a young mom to a baby and a toddler. I felt like an alien. I couldn’t relate to anyone. Moms like me were busy taking their kids to music class and I was trying to figure out how to survive. At that time my husband’s friend recommended that I get a book about a young woman who had been living with cancer for more than a decade and was thriving. This gave me hope and inspiration. Through the years, I have connected with young parents like me who understand what I am going through. We support each other parenting kids while having cancer.

Rosa agrees: “I really valued the friends that connected me with other women they knew who had gone through the same thing. Early on, I wasn’t ready to find people on social media or through formal support groups, so getting connected to people through friends to seek out advice was extremely helpful.”

5. Give Them Grace

You may want to hear the play-by-play or get updates on how your loved one is doing, but that can be very difficult, especially if they are not feeling well. Everyone’s level of comfort with sharing is different, and it can be hard to keep track of who knows what. Rosa says, “Try to understand that a person may be a little missing-in-action during treatment and may not want to talk about things all the time. If you can, just be there for them when they are ready.”

6. Support the Caregiver

Cancer impacts the people closest to you, especially caregivers. While they may not be the ones receiving the treatments, they are going through it with you. They are often responsible for  picking up the slack at home. Stanfield says, “Life doesn’t stop just because you have cancer. My wife has been exceptional in taking on a majority of the family responsibilities. Knowing that you have that support at home is priceless.”

To prevent burnout and provide support, you can reach out to the caregivers, too. “Supporting the caregiver requires the same things you would for the person going through cancer treatment. Check in on them, give them a call, invite them out for a meal or to a movie to take their mind off being a caregiver,” says Stanfield.

The Bottom Line

Supporting family and friends during cancer treatment can make a mountain of difference in a person’s treatment experience and healing. Above are some suggestions, but there is no wrong way to show love and support. Take action for them and their caregivers; they will be grateful and you will make an impact.

Rosa explains, “No one is ever going to be upset if you send food, flowers or pick something up at the store for them, even if it’s not something they specifically told you to do.” Find something you want to do and go with it. It could be as simple as sending a card, making a meal or spending time with them.