have been married for a little over a year now, with a six-month-old baby, whom I’m still breastfeeding. At the beginning of the marriage, we lived separately due to his job. Regardless, I visited him often until he was transferred to the capital in January this year. This time around we agreed that I would join him there. He left in January and I followed in mid-February.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>
Now here is the thing, my marriage has seen more troubles than happiness. My husband is extremely selfish and lazy. I only got to know this after I married him. Or maybe I just didn’t notice it because we weren’t living together when we were dating.
Whenever we are apart because of his work, he refuses to provide for basic needs like food and utilities. When I complain it turns into an argument. He would ask me, “Why should I pay for something I am not there to use?” So with time, I learned to single-handedly take care of things in his absence.
However, not much has changed since we started living together. During this fasting period, for instance, he won’t even provide money for breakfast or lunch. He counts his sachets of Milo, and calculates how many days they should last. If I make stew, it must stretch for the exact number of days he expects, or I’ll have to use money from my purse to prepare more.
His miserly ways aside, he wouldn’t lift a finger to do anything whenever he is at home. Even if he cuts his fingernails or toenails, he leaves them on the floor for me to clean up. If I complain, it becomes an issue.
I do all the house chores. Talk of washing clothes, cleaning, cooking, doing the dishes, everything. Yet he won’t do anything for himself.
He comes home from work, undresses and drops his clothes anywhere. If I serve him food and he finishes eating, even if I go to the ends of the earth, I’ll return to find the plates exactly where he left them. If he needs a spoon and finds it dirty, I have to wash it for him.
We have a pipe in our house, but the water rarely runs. This man would lie down scrolling through his phone while I carry the baby on my back to go and fetch water for the house. If I complained he would shrug and ask, “So what would you do if I wasn’t here?”
Upon all this, I have to deal with his infidelity as well. One time I was going through his phone when I found a chat between him and a certain lady. The content of their conversation revealed that she is his girlfriend. So I took her number and called her.
I didn’t want to fight. I only wanted some answers. I wasn’t even angry that he had another woman on the side. We are Muslims after all. He is allowed to marry up to four wives. It’s just that he didn’t tell the lady he is a married man.
“I am always spending time with him,” she said, “nothing shows he is married.” I explained that it was because I lived apart from him. Although she apologized, I knew they would continue to see each other.
Just the other way we got into an argument. This man stormed out and remained gone the entire day. He didn’t even come home at night. I suspected he must have gone to be with her.
“Is my husband with you?” I texted her.
“Yes, he is here,” she responded.
Before I could say anything else, she asked me to leave her alone. “Please, focus on your marriage and stop disturbing my relationship. You are the reason your husband can’t stay at home.” My jaw dropped. Oh, but she wasn’t done.
She went on to tell me that I am not a supportive wife. “You are not also submissive. Don’t you know that men like submissive women? You always want to be right. Learn how to say sorry to your husband, even if he is the one who is wrong. That’s how you make a man happy.”
Eiii. The more stuff she texted, the more shocked I felt. I can’t even repeat all of them.
Silent Beads, from the very beginning, this marriage has been nothing but pain. No money for upkeep. No money for antenatal care when I was pregnant. No food, no care, no love, no support. Nothing.
I paid my own hospital bills when I was admitted multiple times during pregnancy. When I went into labour and had a C-section, I was completely alone until my sister arrived. And I never complained.
What else does this man want? What does being a supportive and submissive wife really mean? Is there something more to it that I don’t understand?
