Most of us know that half of all marriages will end in divorce. That’s the age-old statistic, and that’s what we’ve always heard. However, staying together for the long haul doesn’t mean that you’re happy.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>
When choosing a husband, women often end up marrying the first one who comes along — or worse, making one of these mistakes when they choose their spouse-to-be.
Choosing the wrong man to be your husband can get you into big trouble, even to the point of ruining your life. Before you walk down the aisle, ask yourself if you’re making any of these life-ruining mistakes and are ending up with someone who isn’t husband material.
Here are the small mistakes women make when choosing a husband that can get them in big trouble:
1. Choosing a man who has opposite life plans to yours in hopes you’ll ‘change his mind’
So many marriages that end in divorce start this way. As tempting as it is to work to change his mind on things like life goals, kids, or even marriage, doing this is a terrible idea.
At best, you’ll have a guy who capitulates and resents you. At worst, he’ll leave and (rightfully) call you abusive or manipulative for trying to change him that way.
2. Choosing a fixer-upper
Here’s a hint for all the ladies out there: you can’t “fix” a person who doesn’t want to be fixed. If he’s bad now, he’ll still be bad later.
The only person you can change is yourself, and if you feel responsible for “fixing” him, it’s time you fix your mindset and change your relationship status to single.
3. Choosing who others want you to choose
A lot of people will turn down someone more compatible with them in favor of someone who’s deemed more “acceptable” to their family and friends. This is a great way to spark resentment and to end up with divorce papers once you realize that living for other people is a bad idea.
Parental approval can positively impact relationship stability and satisfaction, while disapproval can lead to conflict and distrust. However, a 2024 study found that individuals may subconsciously seek partners resembling their parents, potentially leading to relationship dynamics mirroring childhood experiences.
4. Ignoring red flags because ‘they’re not so bad’
Love does make rose-colored glasses appear, and that’s part of the reason why it’s so hard to see red flags when they show up. Even so, it’s impossible to deny the kind of havoc ignoring clear red flags will have on your married life.
5. Choosing to move forward even when he does unacceptable things
If he ever hit you, berated you, or seriously hurt you in any way, he’s not a man you should marry. He’s not a man anyone should marry because he’s an abuser. Run, girl — and for the love of all that is holy, don’t look back.
6. Choosing financial instability over someone who’s career-driven
Many charismatic men make wonderful dates but are terrible husband material. Most of them have this trait in common: they’re bums.
Simply put, when you marry a guy who doesn’t do career stuff, you’re marrying a very charming dead weight, and that’s a bad move. Financial instability significantly impacts marital quality and stability, often leading to increased conflict, decreased relationship satisfaction, and even divorce.
A 2021 study recommended couples experiencing financial stress and conflict may benefit from seeking counseling or monetary guidance. Individuals need to be financially responsible and manage their finances effectively.
7. Choosing to marry ‘because that’s what you do’
I have personally seen so many girls who married “because they’re supposed to.” The truth is that there are no real “supposed tos” in life, and going through the motions is a good way to end up making a terrible mistake. Rather than worry about what you’re supposed to do, why not do something that you want to do?
8. Choosing not to listen to your gut
Did you know that a lot of women who end up divorcing their partner had a gut feeling that they knew marrying their spouse was a bad idea?
It’s true. Your gut instinct is there to protect you, so listen to it.
9. Choosing to fix problems after you get married
No, getting married will not fix your relationship problems unless the problem you’re facing is not being married. If you are arguing and screaming at him every night, walking down the aisle will do nothing more than just ensure you’ll have a bitter divorce or a spot on Maury.
Marrying someone to fix existing relationship problems is a misguided approach, as it amplifies existing issues and often leads to further complications. Instead, building a strong, healthy relationship requires ongoing effort, communication, and mutual growth. Research by The Gottman Institute explained that managing and de-escalating negative emotions, understanding each other’s perspectives, and treating each other respectfully during conflict are essential skills for a healthy relationship.
10. Choosing someone who won’t negotiate on something important to you
A dealbreaker choice isn’t necessarily a life goal, but it’s not far off. It’s a decision that involves a lifestyle that the other party will not be able to tolerate, regardless of what else the person offers.
It’s up to you to decide what dealbreaker choices are for your lifestyle. Among child-free people, a person who wants kids is a dealbreaker choice. Among extremely religious people, atheism is a dealbreaker choice.
With dealbreaker choices, there is no way to negotiate an outcome that works for both people, and that inevitably will dissolve your relationship.
11. Choosing money over a genuine connection
Sure, money can buy a lot of things, but you have to remember that both “golden handcuffs” and “the gilded cage” are real things. You would be shocked to see how many women regret their decision to marry on money alone and what kind of toll it takes on them. Don’t do this to yourself.
12. Choosing to settle
Yes, there’s the adage of “don’t settle,” but that doesn’t always bode well for reality. Every person has flaws, and if you can’t stand a flawed individual, chances are you’re going to be single for a very long time.
People may settle for a marriage partner due to fear of being alone, perceived declining chances for finding a good match, or a desire to prioritize having a relationship over its quality. A 2012 study explained that once people enter a relationship, they may become trapped in a cycle of settling, prioritizing staying in the relationship over their own needs and desires, even if the relationship is ultimately unsatisfying.
13. Choosing anyone, anywhere, because you don’t want to be alone
Trust me, I’ve wanted to do that and have been there. But it’s not a good idea. It’ll only turn out to be another disappointment, and honestly, it’s often better to stay single these days.
