I Still Can’t Let Go Of My First Love

When I met him, he told me he had eight months to live. Nobody in his family knew about it.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

“Not even your mother?” I asked him.

He shook his head, “She doesn’t know anything about it.”

“What about your dad?”

“My mum is likely to find out before my dad. In fact she would be the one to tell my dad. So no, he doesn’t know either.”

He was battling a terminal illness and chose to keep it to himself. He said he wanted to go quietly without a fuss. He had accepted his faith. I couldn’t have that.

I encouraged him. I told him, “Nana, you can’t give up on your life just yet. God is still in the miracle business. Hold on to faith.”

I didn’t know he would come to mean so much to me when we met back in 2018. I had sent some questionnaires for my project work to some hotels close to my school. He was the manager of one of these hotels.

While I was waiting for him to fill it out, he started advising me about taking my Christian faith seriously. He told me about the difficulties of life and how he got his job by God’s grace. I saw him as an older and experienced man talking, so I nodded and listened.

He took my number before I left. That’s how we began dating.

Our relationship was something else. He was bent on me having a child for him. That part didn’t make sense to me. I kept pushing him to tell me why the rush, before he eventually opened up about his illness.

He wanted me to know he was serious about me. So also announced my presence in his life to the people who matter to me. I met his mum, dad, and other members of his family. I met his friends as well.

A few months down the line, I stumbled upon one of his ID cards. All along, I had thought he was older than me. But that day, I found out I was actually a year older than him. It didn’t sit well with me.

I had always imagined ending up with a man who was older, someone who would hold my hand through life. I felt a younger man wouldn’t have the maturity to do that for me.

I stood on this age difference and ended my relationship with Nana. He did everything possible to hold on to me. He cried, he begged, I listened—but I stood my ground.

Before the breakup, I had prayed for him and advised him to take communion for his illness. By and by, God answered our prayers. His medical results changed, and he got better.

After our breakup, he became an instrumental member of his church. He now lives his life for God. He is currently studying theology in Germany and doing very well with his ministry.

I’ve done my best to move on. I have dated other people. One of my ex-boyfriends is even the regional head of a government institution. I’m not bad-looking, so it’s not as if I’m desperate for a man. It’s just that I can’t seem to move past my feelings for Nana.

I was the one who walked away so I don’t understand why, after all these years, I’m still holding on to the love we once shared. I want to let him go completely—so that I can give my all to my next relationship and nurture it to work.

To those who have had difficulty letting go of your first love, how did you finally break free from their hold over you?

I need some suggestions.