I Didn’t Know His True Intentions Until He Had Me

They say hurt people hurt people. I never gave ths statement much thought until I found myself in a place where I hurt myself and my marriage because I was hurt by the people I trusted to protect me.......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

The first people who failed me were my family. They didn’t protect me from my monster uncles. They were twins, I was barely six years old but I remember them vividly. They took me. When I reported them to my aunt she told me, “Shh… bad child. How can you say such things? Never ever say that again, hear?”

I nodded.

That trauma lived trapped inside me for the most part of my life. Home never felt safe for me. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, wary of everyone around me. Startling at the slightest noise. My dad was never in the picture. Because of this, my mum was gone most of the time, working tirelessly to put food on the table. We don’t have a close relationship as a result.

I always felt detached from my family, as if I didn’t belong with them. Then I met Bright. He felt like home to me. He was my friend first before we became lovers. I opened up to him about everything I couldn’t tell anyone else about. And he took care of my emotional needs.

All the love and comfort I didn’t get from home, I got them from him. We dated for ten years before we got married. This should have been my happily ever after, right?

Well, the man I married is emotionally and verbally abusive. He is a cheater too. He neglected my needs at the expense of other women. Someone would ask if I didn’t see the red flags, oh I did. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have married him. But you must understand that things were different at that time. I thought I had to marry him to be free from my family’s hold.

His behaviour continued even after we had a child. So three months ago, I decided to move away from him. The plan is to decide from there if we were going to divorce or remain married. And I must say that a lot has happened to me within these three months.

I was going round offices hawking my wares when I ran into my friend, Ansah. He is a man who proposed to me back when I was single. I turned him down because I was bright. Along the line he got married but we stayed in touch.

When I ran into he wasn’t wearing his ring. I asked him why and he said his wife travelled. So i responded, “if your wife has travelled does that mean you should remove your ring?”

He said something in front of his colleagues and we all laughed. But he pulled me aside and said, “My wife is leaving me. She said I like eating her too much, and my thing is too big for her.”

I laughed but on a more serious note I thought, “So here I am with a husband who neglects my needs while another woman is unhappy because her husband can’t have enough of her. What a world.”
We spoke more after we parted ways. He said they were going through a divorce and that they hadn’t been together for two years now. “I have been trying to meet another woman so I can move on.”

I engaged him more on the kind of woman he was looking for, and this man said he wanted me.

“You know I am a married woman,” I responded.

By then I had confided in him about how lonely I felt in my marriage. He promised to make me happy if I gave him a chance. I wasn’t thinking straight. I just wanted to feel loved and desired. And he made me feel all of that, so I said yes to him.

The early days were sweet. He called me more than once a day. He texted me throughout the day. He would ask me to give details of how my day went. All the attention that I wanted from my husband, this man gave it to me.

It made me feel so special. I even convinced myself that I was in love. Then we had intimacy and everything changed.

He became busy all of a sudden. He took forever to respond to text messages. Getting him on the phone was impossible. When I complained, he said it was all in my head and labelled me insecure.

I kept pushing and pushing before he finally told me, “My wife’s church refused to grant us the annulment. So it’s possible that my wife and I are getting back together.”

That was the beginning of our end. I was so heartbroken but most especially, I felt stupid for not seeing through his act. How did I not know that he only wanted to sleep with me all along? Why did I follow my emotions to do such a thing?

At first, he said it wouldn’t change anything for us but along the line he started saying things like, “No, I can’t see you. My wife is around.”

“Sorry, I can’t talk right now. My wife is at home.”

Eventually he told me he needed space and that I should take care of myself. I wouldn’t have thought something like this could happen to me until it did. I let my desperate need for love and acceptance drive me to betray myself and my marriage. I know you readers will tear me apart. That’s fine, go ahead. You can’t judge me harsher than I am judging myself right now.

– Michelle