If Divorce Isn’t an Option In My Case, Then What Else Can I Do?

When she was pregnant with our second child, she resigned from work without telling me. At first, she said it was medical leave because she had a lot of complications during that pregnancy. When the leave kept going on for months, I asked if her company wasn’t worried that she wasn’t returning to work. She then told me, “How can I go to work with these complications? I resigned after the medical leave.”......CONTINUE READING THE ARTICLE FROM THE SOURCE>>>>>

Apart from the complications, her other major reason for resigning was to be able to care for the children without being distracted by other things. To me, it was a good idea executed poorly. We could have talked about it, planned for the resignation, and executed it later when I had saved enough or she had saved enough. She didn’t give me a say. She simply resigned and informed me afterward.

Financially, we were not doing well. We had bills to pay: utilities, the kids’ school fees, food, fuel, and the almighty rent. I was disturbed, but I felt she needed time to rest after delivery, and we could address the situation later.

When our second son turned two—meaning I had carried the entire household on my shoulders for two years—I asked her when she planned to return to work. “Don’t you think it’s time to look for work?” I asked. She responded, “Work? At this time? Who’ll take care of the kids?”

I suggested we could hire someone or even bring my mom to help. Her answer was, “I’m not ready to outsource the care of my kids to strangers. Wait until they grow up a little.”

I listened to her and accepted her decisions for over two years. My finances were drained, and it became increasingly difficult to save. Even when her parents needed money, I had to provide it because she wasn’t working. When she was employed, I didn’t ask her to support me financially, but at least she could take care of herself and her family. That had helped our household, and we were doing okay.

I proposed another idea: “If it’s about the kids, I have some money saved. Tell me what you want to do so I can use that money to set you up.” She replied, “I’ll think about it.”

I kept asking until I got tired and stopped. Every time I asked, she said she was still considering it. One day, she told me I was putting too much pressure on her. She burst out, “Do you think it’s easy to take care of two children? When they cry, who do they go to? Do you think it’s easy?”

I do my best with the kids. Despite the fact that she doesn’t work, I come home and help with household chores. When she’s busy, I keep the children occupied, engaging and distracting them. At night, when the little one cries, I’m the one she calls because she wants to rest. I don’t complain. Life is easier when we both help each other, but my wife is giving every excuse not to work.

So, I’ve stopped giving her money for her personal care. I’ve stopped giving her spending money. I do the grocery shopping myself or ask my aunt in the market to do it for me. I’ve told her she won’t receive a single pesewa from me. Whatever the kids need, I buy it myself. I thought that would be drastic enough to push her to start doing something for herself. It’s been over six months now, and this woman is living just fine. I don’t even know how she gets money to buy sanitary pads.

Now, I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve told her parents about it, but they can’t do much because my wife isn’t someone to be pushed around. I’m starting to think there’s a way she’s making money that I don’t know about, or she has some savings she’s using to support herself. For six months without any income, and she’s living just fine?

My next move is divorce.

A man needs a woman, but a woman who’s a burden is worse than any load a man can carry. I want to let her go. I’ve even hinted at it, and it didn’t faze her. What stops me every day is the age of my kids. They are too young to experience the effects of divorce. If I leave, I would take them with me. I don’t mind; I can get someone to stay home and take care of them so my wife can live the kind of life she wants.

Is this the right thing to do? Don’t tell me divorce is not an option because the Bible detests it. I don’t think God is pleased with the way I’m suffering in this marriage. I see my friends every day and how they are progressing. They talk about the help they receive from their wives and the grace they enjoy from the women they married. If I’m a child of God, He wouldn’t want to see me go through this, so let’s put the Bible aside and be practical.

Is there any other way apart from divorce?